Sunday, December 11, 2011
You’ve probably been there – head wedged between a girl’s thighs, struggling to breathe and getting cramps in your jaw and tongue. She’s lying stiff as a board, with a blank expression on her face, waiting for enough time to have passed before she can politely pull you up. Sometimes, even if you have some skills, you don’t always hit the mark.
Different women like different things, and so no guide to oral sex can tell you exactly what to do. It can give you lots of different things to try, though, and make it easier to figure out something that works with your partner.
Here are a few tips for giving her great oral:
Unless foreplay has already reached a fever pitch, you don’t want to just dive in there and start lapping away like some kind of animal. Oral sex is about combining the right pressure and the right motions (for lack of a better word) with pinpoint precision. You have to use clockwork rhythm, and then some variations – and know when to switch between the two.
To start off, use gentle kisses on her lower belly, inner thighs and around her labia. Slowly lick around her clitoris, and up from the opening of her vagina. Concentrate on one half of her labia at a time, and skirt your way around the clitoris before giving it your undivided attention. Once you start doing this, it’s a commitment and you shouldn’t break off it for too long, or you risk her losing sensation.
Listen to Her Body Language
Or even better, verbal instructions. Not a lot of girls feel comfortable giving instruction, but encourage her to do so, or to let you know in some other way if you’re hot or cold.
It’s fairly easy to read body language, but we usually ignore it because we aren’t open to it, or because it means us assuming a position that is less comfortable, or bending in a way we don’t like to. If she shuffles her hips downwards, it means you’re too low and not spending enough time on the clitoris. If she moves up or arches her back, it means she wants the sensation of having her labia licked. Moving sideways means you’re off the mark slightly, but you haven’t noticed.
These movements will be subtle, but be on the lookout for them. Don’t be afraid to pause and adjust your position if it helps you to be more comfortable and consistent.
Get Into a Rhythm
While variation and exploration will work to get her aroused, to bring her to climax you will need a consistent, rhythmic pressure on the clitoris. Circles work best and are easy to sustain long term. Variations should be used, but only slight ones (using the flat of your tongue instead of the tip, or changing the direction of your circles every few minutes).
Once you settle into a rhythm that is clearly working, keep at it. It will take more time than you expect to get her there – up to 20 minutes. When she responds, continue at the same pace. Then increase it by small increments every minute or so or as she gets more into it.
Eventually she will reach the point where she knows she will have an orgasm. This doesn’t mean you should do what you would want, which is drastically ramp up the pace and bring it home. It means keep doing exactly what you’re doing, and stop all variations except making it gradually more intense.
This last part is very important: when she begins to climax, it is very important that you don’t sit up, job done, and congratulate yourself as she loses herself in the throes of ecstasy. You have to keep going, for up to a minute, so that her orgasm can finish properly. If you stop too early, you risk her experiencing the physical signs of an orgasm, but without the release.
Use a G-Spot Vibrator
Many women find it easier to climax when there is both clitoral and g-spot simulation. Your fingers will work well for this, but it’s much easier if you use a g-spot vibrator with a curved tip.
Before you start poking anything into her, make sure she’s ready for that kind of penetration, and keep it slow. If for some reason you do decide to use your fingers, it’s essential you keep your nails from snagging on the inside of her vagina. In order to do this you must always make sure your nails are trimmed and clean! Try one finger first, but to be really effective you’ll need two.
When she’s ready, slide your index and middle finger (or middle and ring, if that’s more comfortable) inside her, palm facing up. Make a “come here” motion with your fingers, firmly rubbing the rough spot you feel at the top of her vagina (her g-spot) while you move your fingers slowly in and out by about a quarter of an inch only. If you’re using a vibrator, make sure you concentrate on this area, and don’t let it slip or turn sideways inside her.
If you can pair up this motion with what you’re doing with your tongue, it shouldn’t take more than a few minutes to bring her to orgasm.
Some women can be brought to orgasm extremely rapidly by anal stimulation. However, unless you’re quite familiar with someone, a surprise finger or tongue on the back entrance can come as an unwelcome surprise. Gently feel out your prospects, and see how she reacts to a light touch. You’ll need to both be comfortable pushing your sexual limits, and with each other, in order for this not to become awkward.
Under no circumstances should you immediately insert a finger unless specifically invited, and all body parts concerned are very well lubricated. Otherwise it will hurt, and that will totally kill the mood.
Small anal vibrators, or anal beads, can greatly enhance your oral sex experience. If she enjoys a little bit of anal play, then a small dedicated anal toy can be a very worthwhile investment.