Role-Playing: 101

You've Been a Very Bad Student...

Role playing – no other type of sexual activity has produced as much good sex, and as much and bad sex and awkwardness.  It’s something that either really gets you off, or really turns you off.  If you ever played Dungeons & Dragons as a kid, you’ll already be equipped to get started – jokes about the link between D&D and low levels of sexual activity aside.

Role playing is something most people will only encounter during tedious company teambuilding exercises.  Most people will get it over with quickly, or just pretend to be doing it while talking about football. However, role playing in the bedroom can introduce new levels of fantasy and enjoyment, as long as both partners are into it to at least some degree.

What is Sexual Role Playing?

Role playing, in a sexual sense, is when one or both partners take on a character role in order to act out some kind of situation-based fantasy.  Common stereotypes are older teacher and younger student, burly handyman and buxom female homeowner, fireman and rescued damsel in distress, doctor and patient – you get the idea.  The only limit is your imagination.

Role playing is usually used as a form of foreplay, as it sets the scene for a fantasy to be carried out in your imagination after sex starts.  Continuing character role playing while you’re actually having sex can be quite a challenge.

Why is Role Playing So Difficult?

Role playing is tricky, because it requires a powerful imagination on the part of both partners, and at least some level of acting ability.  The line between a convincing role-play and a comedic farce is a treacherous one to tread, and if you both feel like you’re just making jokes it’s hard to get in the mood.

Another reason why it’s difficult to role play effectively in the bedroom is because it takes some familiarity with someone to suggest role playing and to do it convincingly, but this familiarity also makes the acting harder to believe.

Costumes and Props

Role playing without any visual aids is much more difficult, especially for men.  This is where costumes and props come in very handy.  Costumes are easily purchased from sex toy stores, Halloween costume shops, and eBay, and can easily be modified to be more sexy and revealing. Sometimes you can make your own – such as a slutty teacher costume or a handyman’s outfit.

The Element of Surprise

Saying to your partner, “let’s role play this fantasy I’ve had.  You start,” will usually result in an awkward silence.  However, engineering the situation so that your partner suddenly finds themselves in their fantasy can work wonders.  Imagine the following scenario:

You have the day off work, while your husband or boyfriend has to go in. You know he’s always fantasized about being taken advantage of by the hot older teacher.  Before he comes home, you arrange the living room to look like a classroom (chairs, a chalkboard, etc).  You dress in a tiny skirt, with a business shirt tied up around your navel, knee socks and a small tie, and get hold of a board pointer or another long stick.  When he arrives home, commence discipline and instruction.

In this kind of situation, the natural tendency is to go with it, especially if it’s obvious the other partner put a lot of effort into the set up and execution.

The Alternative Route – Role Play and Fantasy Clubs/Websites

Because role playing with a familiar partner is tricky, and it’s not easy to find someone who enjoys it as much as you, there are a number of clubs and websites set up to connect people who want to role-play the same kind of fantasies, and are good enough at it to pull it off.  These websites function much like regular dating websites, except you can list the types of role-playing you’re interested, and arrange the situation so that it is entirely role-play, without any realism getting in the way.

Some people might find this daunting, but it has a number of thrills attached.  The one is no-strings attached sex with a stranger, which a lot of people find extremely exciting.  The other is that you don’t know the other person outside of the fantasy.  This means that you are already in character when you meet, and you part ways still in character – the entire episode might as well have been your fantasy happening in real life, because there is nothing to remind you that it wasn’t exactly as it appeared.

Incorporating Bondage, S&M and Fetishes

A number of role-players enjoy a hint of bondage, S&M (spanking, whipping etc.) and various other fetish activities when they role play. Role-playing allows you to do things that you otherwise wouldn’t be comfortable doing, and is an important part of bondage in any case (where one partner has to “play” submissive).

It’s important when using bondage or S&M to stay safe by using a “safe word” that automatically signals to the other person that they’re not protesting as part of the fantasy, and by observing basic precautions such as:

●    Don’t tie anything around the neck unless it is specifically designed for the purpose

●    Know how everything feels before doing it to someone else

●    Establish boundaries before you start – don’t wait to find out that your partner doesn’t like having a large dildo unexpectedly inserted into their anus.

●    Always use a safe word!

If at First You Don’t Succeed…

Give it another try.  Role playing is difficult, and requires practice.  It usually takes two or three sessions before you’re comfortable playing a different character in front of someone you often see naked. Role playing isn’t for everyone, but if you think you might enjoy it, there’s a good chance you will eventually.