Dildos: 101

The Low Down...

At first glance, you might think that there’s not a lot to say about the humble dildo.  It’s roughly the size and shape of a penis, and you use it when lacking one (or in preference to one). But there is a great deal to know about technique and choice, and being able to use a dildo effectively can make them an extremely satisfying sex toy, even though they don’t vibrate or do anything special.

Spoilt For Choice

There are so many different shapes and sizes of dildos that it’s impossible to even start listing them.  There are hyper-realistic dildos, and simple cylindrical ones.  There are ones with hooks and barbs and ridges and veins and realistic balls, and ones that are designed to look like the penises of mythical creatures.

If you’re considering buying your first dildo, then it’s important to weigh up your different options and choose one that you’re going to be happy with.  Don’t go too crazy, or too big, for your first one, as if it puts you off for any reason you won’t be happy using it. There are a few technical concerns that you should consider before making your first dildo purchase:

1.    Realistic or simple? Some women are turned off by a very realistic silicone penis

2.    Straight or curved? Curved dildos can help to reach your g-spot better

3.    Rigid or flexible?  Flexible dildos are much more popular, as they can reduce injury and make masturbation more comfortable

4.    Extra features? Some dildos have an enlarged head for g-spot stimulation, while others come with clitoral massagers or a small anal attachment. These can add a lot to masturbation if you enjoy using them

Lubrication is Very Important!

If you don’t already own lube, it’s important to order this when you buy your first dildo.  It’s almost impossible to use one without it, unless you’re naturally very well lubricated. Even still, you run the risk of hurting yourself if you don’t use a good lubricant. 

Always use a water-based lubricant, rather than old fashioned oil-based ones like petroleum jelly. Using an oil or silicone-based lubricant with a rubber or silicone dildo will cause the lubricant to bind with the skin of the dildo, forming a type of sticky glue where you never want glue to be.

Simple drugstore water-based lubricants work fine, but if you want to treat yourself (and you do – you’re buying a dildo) then a high quality personal lubricant is a great investment.

Safety First

If you’ve just bought a dildo and you want to try it, here are a few things you should be sure of first:

1.    Make sure there are no snags or damaged pieces on the dildo – these can hurt!

2.    Use a condom if you’re not sure of cleanliness.  Otherwise your dildo should be washed thoroughly with an antibacterial soap after every use.

3.    Don’t try to push it all the way in just to see if you can.  You’ll be able to get it out, but it will be very uncomfortable. If you hit the opening of your cervix, this can be very painful.

4.    Don’t share your dildo with anyone without changing the condom on it

Starting Off

If you try to insert your dildo straight away, you’re probably going to run into some trouble, or at least discomfort.  You should be turned on, at least a little, before you start. Try watching porn, fantasizing, and massaging your clitoris and labia to ensure that you have a certain amount of natural lubrication going on, and that you’re suitably relaxed.

Finding the Spot

Masturbating with a dildo can produce pleasure in two main ways, and a number of smaller ways that differ from woman to woman. The main two ways are by rubbing against the labia minora, which are directly connected to the clitoris, and by hitting the g-spot.

Your g-spot is located about 1-3 inches inside of your vagina, on the upper wall.  It feels like a bump of ridged skin, and when you push on it, it will feel like there is some pressure on the muscles you use to pee.  Using a dildo is all about hitting this spot, so you’ll want to find a position and an angle of penetration that makes it easy to put regular pressure on the g-spot. Lying on your stomach can make this easier, if your arms are long enough.

Using a Dildo With Clitoral Stimulation

Many women find that the combination of clitoral and g-spot stimulation can quickly produce powerful orgasms, but it requires a little bit of coordination, and both hands.  You can either use your fingers, or a small bullet vibrator (the latter being easiest).  You can also use the hand you are penetrating yourself with to grind against your clitoris, although this might not produce the kind of direct stimulation you need to reach orgasm.

Anal Dildos, Double Dildos and Double Penetration

Dildos can, of course, be used for anal penetration. However, you should be very careful, and it is highly recommended that you purchase a dildo that is made for the purpose.  The reason is that vaginal dildos usually have a lot of ridges and bumps in order to increase sensitivity.  These can snag on the delicate walls of the anal cavity and cause bleeding, which will really ruin your day.

Anal dildos are typically smooth, tapered, and with a flared base that prevents them from being pulled up into the anus. Unlike your vagina, you will find it particularly difficult to reach in and fetch it if this happens, and it could mean an embarrassing trip to the emergency room. Amongst the many, many types of anal dildos are butt plugs (with a wineglass-like base to hold them in place), curved prostate massagers for men, anal beads (which produce an intense sensation when being pushed in or out), and many other variations.

There are also some vaginal dildos which have a small anal attachment.  This can be used for clitoral massage, but it is best used to provide the feeling of fullness you get from having a finger-sized dildo in your anus while you masturbate.  This can be highly pleasurable, and bring on extremely intense orgasms. The best double dildos are flexible, so that the anal part stays mostly in place while you can work your g-spot.

Using two dildos to simultaneously penetrate your vagina and anus can be very enjoyable, but should be done with care.  The wall between your anal cavity and vagina is quite thin, and so you need to learn to work with the contours of both of these cavities, and not against them.

Only use an anal dildo for your anus, and never take a dildo out of your anus and put it in your vagina without changing the condom on it first.  Plenty of lube should be applied whenever using a dildo for anal play, and you may have to reapply half-way through.  If you’re doing double-penetration with a partner, the anal dildo should always be controlled by the receiving partner.